I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
