you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize