Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
