I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
