I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
