Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
