Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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