So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
