Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I want to have your abortion
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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