haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
