Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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