I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
