I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize