Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
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I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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