I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
