It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
