Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
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Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
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we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing