just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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