At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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