We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
