dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
