Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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