Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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