So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
