The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
How does one acquire holy water?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
