And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
