Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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