she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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