16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
