Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
