Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
