I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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