Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
