Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My liver just broke up with me...
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
