Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
