I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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