my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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