i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
