Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
