I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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