I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
