i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
