forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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