Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
