I wanna eat
then eat your cupcake
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit