Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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