My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.