I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
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he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
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He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.