I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels