At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
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Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
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well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.