4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED