Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.

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(512): Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on. http://tfl.nu/m8nk

Replies (11) Good night (1180) Bad night (3559)
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(407): View more from Florida

shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.

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(407): shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands. http://tfl.nu/6i6m

Replies (22) Good night (906) Bad night (4659)
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(540): View more from Virginia

Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.

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(540): Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh. http://tfl.nu/suhk

Replies (15) Good night (6090) Bad night (1028)
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(916): View more from California

So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.

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(916): So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday. http://tfl.nu/t9ad

Replies (9) Good night (3744) Bad night (1005)
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(404): View more from Georgia

Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.

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(404): Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center. http://tfl.nu/it0q

Replies (18) Good night (995) Bad night (4460)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot

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(508): i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot http://tfl.nu/slrj

Replies (6) Good night (1891) Bad night (1384)
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(971): View more from Oregon

I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.

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(971): I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer. http://tfl.nu/l4im

Replies (12) Good night (4585) Bad night (1026)
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(850): View more from Florida

When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?

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(850): When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember? http://tfl.nu/i061

Replies (6) Good night (2807) Bad night (944)
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(925): View more from California

Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.

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(925): Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager. http://tfl.nu/yj7y

Replies (8) Good night (2487) Bad night (1048)
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(317): View more from Indiana

He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.

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(317): He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one. http://tfl.nu/b8h5

Replies (27) Good night (917) Bad night (6794)
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(310): View more from California

We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....

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(310): We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries.... http://tfl.nu/y7n3

Replies (9) Good night (1008) Bad night (659)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor

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(717): I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor http://tfl.nu/quon

Replies (9) Good night (1136) Bad night (529)
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(925): View more from California

I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.

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(925): I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time. http://tfl.nu/6mzl

Replies (3) Good night (1215) Bad night (342)
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(775): View more from Nevada

I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.

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(775): I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box. http://tfl.nu/0vry

Replies (2) Good night (310) Bad night (551)
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(914): View more from New York

Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing

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(914): Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing http://tfl.nu/dzxw

Replies (1) Good night (1193) Bad night (331)

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