the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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