so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize