Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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