Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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