I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
