is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
