They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
