Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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