next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
