Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
