I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
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At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
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Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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