i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
