booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The chlamydia really affected his face.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
