I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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