Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
